This past weekend has been weird. I went to my cousin's wedding in Maryland, which was a six-hour car ride. We spent a day in DC wherein the patriotism and heat was so intense my sunburn would look like the star-spangled banner, and I learned that my true habitat lies in air conditioning with free wi-fi and my laptop. But that's no surprise there, is it?
To be honest, part of the reason why I'm late for this Maniacal Monday is because, well, I have nothing to say. I had little to no sleep theses last few nights and without wifi or my laptop all I could do was attempt to plot and make mental lists, and with my lack of sleep those were all shriveled up and gone by morning.
But among the weird things happening today, besides doing a stint in a cardboard compactor (yes, I essentially went dumpster diving during work today), I've sort of realized that I'm actually a college student now. It's one thing to have an ID card and have paid for your tuition, but it's another thing entirely to know that in less than three weeks you will no longer lie on the floor of your room each night doing homework, and your parents will not be making food for you. I will no longer have my own room, a bathroom shared with only one other person, or a car. I'm going to be two hours from home and just out of reach of anyone that I was friends with before, except for maybe five people.
I consider myself a pretty independent person, but this whole idea of suddenly being thrust onto a secluded campus of over twenty thousand people ages 18-24 is pretty terrifying. I'm not worried about keeping my room clean or being able to do my laundry or making sure my studies are paying off. I'm afraid of all of the things that don't have rules - socialization, sororities?, finding my niche, figuring out how to project the identity that I define as myself, not a judgement from others. I've spent years from the time I was small finding a niche and filling it. When it was prudent for me to become the class bookworm or the know-it-all, so I became. I was like a caterpillar trying to find a place to become a chrysalis, only a means to survive. But now I need to learn to find primo areas. I'm a big, bad butterfly now, and instead of folding my wings and hiding, I need to put those things out for the world to see. I need a place that makes room for me, not vice versa.
Everyone says that college is transformative, and a place to figure out who you are. But the thing is, I'm already pretty sure of who I am. Of course I'll change over the years (and hopefully get rid of this whole 'face of a twelve-year-old' thing), but I've already had that transformation occur. The hard part now is finding a place that will give me space to spread my wings without someone trying to tear them off, because there are birds at college. Both metaphorically and literally. There will always be someone around seeing your butterfly-self as a tasty afternoon snack. You can't let them near you, but in a new, strange environment all by yourself, it's sometimes hard to see the trees for the birds when you're still freaking out about the trees.
So this week my topic is what I've been struggling with: transformation. Change is the reason any book is written, and the point of every sequel. Especially in YA literature, change is a must-have. So stick around this week for posts on literary transformation AND a review of Not a Drop to Drink by Mindy McGinnis!
Fluttering off for now,
Brie
To be honest, part of the reason why I'm late for this Maniacal Monday is because, well, I have nothing to say. I had little to no sleep theses last few nights and without wifi or my laptop all I could do was attempt to plot and make mental lists, and with my lack of sleep those were all shriveled up and gone by morning.
But among the weird things happening today, besides doing a stint in a cardboard compactor (yes, I essentially went dumpster diving during work today), I've sort of realized that I'm actually a college student now. It's one thing to have an ID card and have paid for your tuition, but it's another thing entirely to know that in less than three weeks you will no longer lie on the floor of your room each night doing homework, and your parents will not be making food for you. I will no longer have my own room, a bathroom shared with only one other person, or a car. I'm going to be two hours from home and just out of reach of anyone that I was friends with before, except for maybe five people.
I consider myself a pretty independent person, but this whole idea of suddenly being thrust onto a secluded campus of over twenty thousand people ages 18-24 is pretty terrifying. I'm not worried about keeping my room clean or being able to do my laundry or making sure my studies are paying off. I'm afraid of all of the things that don't have rules - socialization, sororities?, finding my niche, figuring out how to project the identity that I define as myself, not a judgement from others. I've spent years from the time I was small finding a niche and filling it. When it was prudent for me to become the class bookworm or the know-it-all, so I became. I was like a caterpillar trying to find a place to become a chrysalis, only a means to survive. But now I need to learn to find primo areas. I'm a big, bad butterfly now, and instead of folding my wings and hiding, I need to put those things out for the world to see. I need a place that makes room for me, not vice versa.
 |
| Me in butterfly form. Intimidating, right? |
So this week my topic is what I've been struggling with: transformation. Change is the reason any book is written, and the point of every sequel. Especially in YA literature, change is a must-have. So stick around this week for posts on literary transformation AND a review of Not a Drop to Drink by Mindy McGinnis!
Fluttering off for now,
Brie
No comments:
Post a Comment
Put your genius here.